Wells fargo bans staff masturbation breaks following account opening fraud. "No more wanking while banking", group says.
The shamed bank Wells Fargo has banned all staff masturbation breaks following its record $180 million fine by the feds. Over 5000 employees were fired after the egregious and fraudulent opening of 'thousands' of bank accounts simply to meet sales quotas for bonuses. However, the 'fake' bonuses has led to a ban on the taming of bankers' 'boners'.
Following the news, staff were told that they will no longer receive 'wank' breaks; news which was met with protests and near-violence at branches across America. Bob Husker, a teller from a branch in Georgia was livid, explaining, "These fuckers at the top of the bank just sit on their fat asses all day. They have no idea what a good fucking wank does to alleviate the stress of the day - banking is not an exciting career and the ability to wax the stumpenschtinken mid-morning was a welcome relief. This is fucked-up.".
Meanwhile, Madge Birch, a mortgage advisor at a small branch in California was equally perturbed: "Happy Vag' - Happy Madge! This new ruling is not going to sit well with a lot of the girls. Most of us love to shove something up our bearded clams during the day and some of the ladies even squat behind plants for a quick game of 'poop-starfish' after opening an account. The fact that these benefits have been cut will not be good for morale - everyone likes a quality wank at work and these cuts are just another slice off of the benefits block."
Nobody at Wells Fargo's HR center was available for comment. However, we did leave a message with the secretary of aptly named CEO John Gerard Stumpf. His secretary also apologized for the lack of information regarding the new policy, but promised to return our call after she had finished taking a shit.
Wells Fargo will begin collecting laminated 'wipe-clean' porn posters from thousands on branches in the Fall.
Mark Spain is a 'good-ole-boy' Southern realtor. He has a thick southern accent and uses it across Atlanta media like no other real estate professional. Spain's advertising budget is probably more than the average small business' operating budget, but then Spain can afford it, because his company makes thousands of dollars for every house they sell - and they sell a lot. On the radio, he talks of days with his Dad; both talking about 'realtoring' - that job where folks like Spain list homes, then show home, and then at closing, receive tens of thousands of dollars in commissions (normally 6% of the asking price of the home). Skilfully, he makes it sound like a cozy little job that 'dad' did - 'treat your customer raaate [sic] Mark', he says, 'and they'll hand over thousands of bucks in commissions' (which he did not say!).
Spain has done well from 'club realtor' and although the frat-house like business has enjoyed many prosperous years, its days are numbered and the BMW/Mercedez driving club that is overpaid, under-worked and over-rated may just have to make way for the 1% model. Clearly, there is no need to employ these people for much longer. There's not much to being a realtor - stage it, show it, close it. Sure, there's a certain amount of understanding of legislation - do's and don't, this and that, but these guys are not doctors, lawyers or even teachers. Theirs is a job where bleached teeth, designer clothes and Euro-cars matter more than brain-power. In the world of the realtor, customers are clients and the world of homes is 'awesome' or not, depending on the taste of the realtor. Oh, and you have guessed it, in the south, that normally means a highly 'staged' home, where it looks like the owner would charge admission for tours rather than live there.
Real Estate seems to be one of those professions that has survived both time and technology. Whereas we would now think it sheer madness to go out and pay hundreds, if not thousands of dollars for a set of irrelevant Encyclopaedia, still, we seem to find paying $6000,00 per one hundred thousand dollars worth of home we sell with a realtor, as being acceptable and relevant. Clearly, special interest groups and lobbyists have been protecting the pseudo 'profession' for decades.
In Britain, the average sale garners 'estate agents' 1% of the value of the home in commissions. Moreover, listings are not controlled by a questionable 'MLS' - that 'listing secret service' which shuts the door on joe public. The list is only to be controlled and accessed by those 'realtors' who are fully-fledged and paid-up members of 'Club Realtor'.
No, in the UK, a house is posted on line with a national listing service such as 'Rightmove.co.uk', which exposes the property to a greater audience than would the local agents' site; through which the property is advertised within a town. Interestly enough, in the UK AND in the USA, a degree is not required to become an estate agent either. Thus, anyone can set up shop and value [and sell] the most expensive and important asset in a person's life. It's kind of ironic that one's biggest possession is being controlled by a bunch, some of whom probably did not finish high school!
The difference though, is that there are no controls in the UK - no supposed 'club' which, by virtue of its members, keeps the market tight, controlled and closed as opposed to in the UK where is it open to all and more transparent. But then, in the UK, not so many lobbyists and special interest groups can affect rules and rulers to the degree they do in a country whose professions and their members seem more nepotistic; especially those like the realty industry, whose members wish to protect huge pay days for comparatively little (and relatively easy) work. Oh, I can hear the gripes of several thousand realtors
America WILL wake up to the fact that its real estate buying and selling process is an albatross. Technology can (and will) link buyers with sellers instantly and a massive overhaul of the commissions and fee structures charged will ensure that much more openness appears within the business. Within five years, apps will have replaced the ridiculously over-priced and excessively nonsensical profession that is 'realty'. For all of its shenanigans and for all of Mr.Spain's brow-beating, chest hammering advertising - he is a simple salesman making a lot of money for, on the opinion of me, very little effort.
I am not against people making a living from selling a house on behalf of another - but it is not that hard to sell a house. No longer will the realtor club be able to blind people with science - there really is not that much of a science to selling anything.
Judging by comments received, Green Motion Rental Car Company - situated a few miles from Heathrow - will soon be receiving some legal attention that it’s been deserving for a long time. Allegedly, it is reported by many of the reviewers on sites such as Google and Yelp, that a ‘scam’ is being operated at the rental site whereby, for the tiniest of scratches, Green Motion is charging renters hundreds of pounds; thus the company is making customers pay its own ‘wear and tear’ charges. The rub - the customer will rent a car refusing to pay Green Motion’s own insurance charges. Then, upon returning the vehicle a small body scratch or a small tear on the tyre will be ‘discovered’ by the guy checking the car back in. After ‘negotiating’ with the manager, the charges are then levied by the gaffer.
When we rented a car, we were upgraded to an SUV after booking a small sedan - we did not want the SUV but had no choice but to take it, otherwise, the company would have had us wait for a couple of hours while a smaller car was brought back. Unsurprising to us now, a tiny tyre scratch was ‘discovered’ and we were charged a fee in excess of £125.00. We should have been forewarned. When we were checking out the car, a young girl was passionately protesting at the counter as she, too, was being debited a further few hundred pounds for ‘damage’ to her car. Naturally, the person behind the counter was having none of it - the company culture was not about to change from its questionable and highly suspect modus-operandi.
Green Motion is a scum-bag organization, and one that is about as reprehensible as they come. They rely on the fact that many renters are foreign; therefore unwilling or even unable to formulate much of an argument. Or, they rely on the fact that many tourists who are bound to return to International countries will A) Perhaps think that British rental-car-rules are more stringent, or B) Cannot be bothered to fight the charges or C) Perhaps will fight it with their credit card company, but for Green Motion it is ‘worth the shot’ anyway.
At the time of writing, an undercover investigation and high-profile media production is being planned against this company. This is about as much as we consumers can hope for at this time and we look forward to the day when the owners of this odious operation are exposed in the media. Stay tuned.
I'm British, and for the first time in my life I am not terribly proud of it.
We used to be a nation of stalwarts, of men and women whose immovable characters believed in their own thought-out ideas - not in those from which supercilious propaganda was spewed across Murdoch's rags, the BBC and over numerous wine-drenched 'fur coat and no knickers' dinner parties in the burbs. In many-a pub across England, I could hear parents telling their kids that 'no bloody Eurocrat is going to wreck our country', even though the Euro 'wrecking ball' had been swinging since 1973. Ironically, the French vetoed our membership TWICE before we eventually joined. I can hear the kids acquiesce to their parents, not having an opinion of their own, as their schools did not teach independent thought, but 'backing Dad as 'he knows best'. I can endorse this comment, as my brief career as a teacher showed me that teaching the plot of King Lear was more important than teaching independent thought - the politicians knew best.
Today. my country is divided into five groups:
1. Those who voted leave, and remain in that camp.
2. Those who voted remain, and remain in that camp.
3. Those who voted leave, and now, having googled what it all means, are petitioning for a second referendum.
4. Those who care not.
5. The retarded.
It is those in the third group that have me very worried, for there are some serious consequences to listening to them, as well as some very obvious traits in the modern character of the British - especially those for whom 'impressionable' is a fitting description. Viz:
A: Were a second referendum held, the democracy as a concept must be consigned to the history books. Agree or disagree, the 'power to the people' was given and the people voted. Oh, but hold on - can we change our mind? Conclusively, the modern 'democratic' election is nothing more than a nom de plume.
B: Not really understanding what they were doing, the whole thing seemed like a game - 'We'll show those Eurocrats by kicking them in the balls'. Sadly, for those who 'had a clue', those who did not, won. The 'game' therefore, was a futile show of superficial solidarity. However, unlike a Playstation, it could not be reset.
The politicians who caused all of this have [mostly] resigned. Allegedly, even David Cameron said, "Why should I do the hard shit?" after his country voted out. Boris Johnson (the assumed successor to Cameron) then resigned, following by Nigel Farage. Call me skeptical [us sic], but when the very architects of BOTH 'leave' and 'remain' throw the towel in, does this not point to a 'cluster fuck?'.
As an observer, who was denied the vote (being an American-British citizen of 16 years 'expat' status), I find this erroneous at best.
What would these puppets do in war? Naturally, it would not be they (or their kids for that matter) who fought, but would such frightful fragility would see people throwing white feathers at them? They are weak, they are yellow-livered and all of them are manipulated by stronger strings than theirs. Churchill (and my Pop - a veteran of WW2) would be ashamed.
Conclusively, this 'drunken fuck' of a debacle has cost the UK a lot of face. As I wrote on Facebook the night after the referendum:
So, from what I understand, the UK's decision was like a drunken fuck. On the night, although half of your mates told you you'd regret it in the morning, you did it anyway. You did not consider it fully and there was no instruction manual. In the morning, what seemed like a bloody good idea to 'shove it to 'em' now turned into reality. You woke up and next to you was an inconvenient truth. You really did not know what to do next; you did not know the consequences. But then you were told. Perhaps it was a good thing, as an American, I could not vote. All I can say is 'wow' - all I can do now is watch.
Now, therefore, we wait to see what unfolds. If a second referendum does happen, then any referendum in the future, be it for whatever, shall dispel the very definition. Undeniably, the British, for now, remain priggish, parochial and yet, according to many I know, quite embarrassed at some rather BAD decisions of late. At least for us Americans, Britain is a really good deal for once.
Choppa, Atlanta July 4th, 2016.
Owner Lian Hayes has a beautiful home for rent. Unfortunately, the owner's penchant for safety was lacking. The house, which is directly facing the water in a most magnificent way was dangerously unsuitable for the elderly or children. We visited the home some years ago. The stairs were painted in gloss paint (ridiculous in terms of safety). Unfortunately, my elderly relative slipped on the stairs, severely injuring her arm, head and hand. Indeed, she was quite literally black and blue. Following the incident, Hayes' comments were alarming. Patronizingly stating 'that is what travel insurance is for', our two visits to the local hospital, followed by my Mother-in-Law's constant year-long therapy when we returned, was met with an apathy only reserved for people whose commercial gain comes before safety (and sympathy).
Let it be said that the home is beautiful and during our stay, Hayes DID have a friend come to the house to see the extent of the damage to my Mother-in-Law. At this time, though, she was out - walking, bandaged-up and determined not to let the pain ruin her holiday. It did no good.
The issue we had with Lian Hayes is that she refused to give us her insurance information, as any commercial property owner should. Whether or not such a claim would contravene the terms of her mortgage, or not, is conjecture. Suffice it to say that her words and response, as a commercial holiday-let-landlady simply 'did not ring true'. "I have worked too hard for this house", were her words, which immediately raised a red-flag; her defensiveness suggesting that she did not have coverage adequate enough to compensate us for the injuries caused.
We DID hire a lawyer, who advised that the case was solid and clear. Unfortunately, my relative did not wish to pursue it, even though I agreed to pay. Our legal team advised that the home did have insurance, but naturally Haye's reluctance to afford us details made us question if the policy covered commercial lets.
In the hope that others would not suffer the same as we did, we complained to Cornwall County Council as well as the town of Mevagissey. It is my understanding that they did investigate the property. However, I know not of the outcome. Seeing pictures of the property today, the stairs have been carpeted. Whether the wires hanging out of light-fixtures were repaired, or not, I have no idea.
If you rent this home, be careful and make sure you ask Lian Hayes if she has insurance to cover a catastrophic event.
Watch the video HERE. In the meantime, be careful! Mark Pitt
A superb house, La Plissonnais is ideal for the totally relaxing family vacation. Such care and attention to detail is rare these days, but Jon and Pete accommodated us in every way. Even the plug outlets are multi-national, so no need for adapters; all worked even though we were bringing American AND English devices. Chef Jon is also superbly talented - he cooked for us twice and each time we were treated to three courses of FINE French cuisine. His scallops were the best I have had. With a friendly dog - Henry - copious space and an idyllic location, we had the most wonderful vacation, and recommend this property as being the best we have stayed at.
The bedrooms are huge, the beds comfortable and the bathroom showers super-powerful. The hot water is HOT and pressure is high, which is a change from the scores of hotels I have stayed at world-wide. The kitchen is well-stocked with every piece of cooking paraphernalia a chef would need. Gracing the middle of the kitchen is a professional five-burner gas hob, with an oven below. If this is not enough, Chef Jon provides a second oven (in case you wish to cook for eight or more!). A double fridge, a stand-alone freezer and a microwave and toaster really makes it impossible to wish for anything else.
The village of St Hilaire was conveniently featuring of the excellent local grocery store - E LeClerc (with petrol station). Beyond that, superb towns and villages afforded picture-postcard squares and streets, full of bars, restaurants and local shops. A market is part of the morning of each of these villages - although once a week. You'll see the same vendors if you tour the area, and each store represents a veritable treat of local fare and crafts.
It's possible to live as the locals do here, or partake of the more touristy jaunts, as we did on a couple of days. About an hour away by car is the beautiful and historic Le Mont-Saint-Michel. This site of world heritage importance is a staggeringly beautiful walled city, which dates back to 800AD. A tour of the city is a must although expect crowds during peak season.
Two hours away (by car) is Omaha beach, which we found to be hauntingly well preserved; easy to imagine the D-Day landings. Here, you can even tour the pillboxes, where German soldiers attempted to defend the coastline of Normandy before running out of ammunition.
Finally, MaÎtres Cuisiniers de France is something that the owner of La Plissonnais is studying for. We enjoyed Jon's superb cooking not once, but twice as he treated us to everything from Lamb to Monkfish to the best scallops I have tasted. Bring your own wine, which is abundant and cheap (the house is not licensed to serve alcohol) and you will have a home cooked dinner, direct from the kitchen of Jon.Beverly. Four course for E20? Yup! We could not believe it either, but Jon buys locally; affording superb ingredients, the price of which he hardly marks up at all.
The bottom line is that we had a totally relaxing holiday, immersed in the local culture, which is rich, historic and appealing. I loved the house, our hosts were wonderful and by the end of the week, it was like saying goodbye to old friends. We shall be back!
Five Stars *****